I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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