There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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