i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
