Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
