i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
