So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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