I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
