Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She has the best kind of daddy issues
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
