I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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