my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
