I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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