At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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