It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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