i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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