I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
