im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
