I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So vagazzling was a success
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
