I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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