She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her