i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i now understand why vodka
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?