Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????