I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit