Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize