I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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