He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
