I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
