i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
