It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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