There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
