Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
