i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
