Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
