I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
