a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
