he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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