And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
