I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
