...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The adults are the big ones right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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