And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
