i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
