U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
