You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
