this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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