Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
