filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
