Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
