I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
