Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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