You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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