I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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