I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
