not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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