You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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