your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
