My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
