the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
