We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
