He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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