Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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