; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
