Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
