i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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