This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize