Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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