can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
