Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
