k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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