i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pooping to opera.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
