I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
