its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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